from the heart

if you saw this, most of my post were under the 'from the heart'. why is it like this? what really this heart want to do? i'm always that heartless person, and that is what i want to be, but i can't since it's not the real me. what should i do? being real is not my verb. i act about my life. its tiring. sometime i wonder why is it have to be this way, why i just can't be that person i know hidden, suppressed within this heartless body. what should i find in this life to fulfill life that seems to be out of my reach. my dreams, a broken dreams, a dream of near perfection that just too far, too hard to be reach. life is unsorted, as i try to sort it, it back to circle one. back to the beginning, or is it just unsortable. why i can't create my life like story that i read, dramas that i watch, where i know there will be happy ending for me. a long question, a question that i need to know what the answer is. but seems too messy, just too understandably, intangible... unattainable.