from the heart

currently alone in the house. well it's a first semester mid break, everyone is going back home, plus its a Chinese new year celebration. gong xi fa chai. heheheh. i'm use to staying alone in the house. there are some of the teacher who's not going back too.

from the heart

how to think with heart and feel with brain?

from the heart

if you saw this, most of my post were under the 'from the heart'. why is it like this? what really this heart want to do? i'm always that heartless person, and that is what i want to be, but i can't since it's not the real me. what should i do? being real is not my verb. i act about my life. its tiring. sometime i wonder why is it have to be this way, why i just can't be that person i know hidden, suppressed within this heartless body. what should i find in this life to fulfill life that seems to be out of my reach. my dreams, a broken dreams, a dream of near perfection that just too far, too hard to be reach. life is unsorted, as i try to sort it, it back to circle one. back to the beginning, or is it just unsortable. why i can't create my life like story that i read, dramas that i watch, where i know there will be happy ending for me. a long question, a question that i need to know what the answer is. but seems too messy, just too understandably, intangible... unattainable.

from the heart

life as we know is different but it might be the same too. what is it that playing in my mind? as i try to uncover it, i realize it that i know the answer for a long time. it is something that i always know and will always know. to hide it, i do anything in my power to suppressed it even to the level of destroying myself. it this is the sacrifice that i need to do, and i will always do it. locking my heart when it is begging to be unlock. huh.

from the heart

time to leave my heart again. the time is almost up. i'm bringing this heartless body to there one more time, hopefully by next year will be my last time leaving like this. it destroy everything that surrounds me.

from the heart

well, well, well. it seems over than a year that i'm becoming a teacher. its school holiday, and i'm still in school. no worries, this thursday (1st December) should be my homecoming. well during my KISSM course at Sandakan that 22 Nov was my 1st anniversary as a teacher. emmm... what i want to write??? this past one year have been a journey of enlightenment, i learned so many yet understood so little. i always asked myself whether i'm up to this responsibility. teacher is not a job, it's a responsibility that this 'teacher' persona should carry. so many things happen during my one year here. my question for this is, what will happen next year? a question that i have to wait to get the answer. i'm still wondering on who should be trust, who should be ignored, who is right, who is wrong, who to be friend with, and most importantly can i teach??? (should be this first). how long can i be this person, how long can i suppressed the real me? bla bla bla... always the same question that keep on playing my mind. i always said i don't care what others have to said about me? but the truth is, i'm the one that try best not to care about it. well, enough with lamenting things that still cloudy. soon i'll be home, but my heart always been home.  

from the heart

it is so funny when there is people who do not realize on how people despise him like a lot. do not blame me for changing to a different person, you do not know me and do not want to know you. i do my best to change to somebody that is nice and i try it with my best. but it did not work. so get a life. freaks!